head vs heart

I knew full well what i was getting myself into as every cell in my head screamed not to do it. But even they knew. They knew that my body was a helpless slave to my heart. But the cells tried anyways, because they also knew. They knew what was best for my heart and they loved my heart so much even though my heart loved another. And the cells in my head struggled and strained and cried out in pain all for the benefit of my heart but to no prevail. A heart often did as it pleased after all, and perhaps this is why i am where i am. And perhaps that loss of control to a rebellious beating heart is why i am unhappy. Because my heart hurt with every beat, it yelled with every beat, it bled… with every single beat. And with every beat it took out its emotions and did as it wished. So maybe this is why i am unhappy. Because i am slaved by emotion rather than logic and i am controlled by the slave rather than master. It makes sense after all, being a slave to a slave. My heart is a slave to emotion and I, a slave to it. So perhaps that is why i am unhappy. And perhaps i have figured out what happiness is. Maybe it isnt perfect conditions or being content with yourself. Maybe it is as simple as being able to listen to your head rather than your heart. It will be a while before i know for sure and a while before i feel happiness again. In the mean time however, the cells in my head will continue to battle. Because they know.

I hope one day  i can love someone like that.


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